Sunday, 12 June 2011

With Coming Out...

Yesterday was THE big day! :D well... technically, it was 4am this morning, but that's beside the point.

Today, I came out to one of my best friends.

I can't say that it was one of those stand-still movie sequences where the world stops moving for that split second before the sudden impact of the worlds just spoken hits you like a freight train... But it was in slow motion... (no - it wasn't because I was drunk... yes, I may or may not have been drinking fairly heavily the entire night but I had complete control of my faculties at the time). 

We were laying in her bed just talking... we've been through alot of tough times together and helped each other alot over the years, but up until now, due to past experiences, I haven't been able to completely trust anyone I've known for ages. Apparantly, a gay couple at the party thought I was dating her ex because we were hanging out the entire night... She told them that, no, neither of us were gay... his boyfriend told him his gaydar was broken (funny, he was dead on about me but pretty sure my gaydar actually IS broken!) haha

Anyway, when she told me about it while settling into bed, I asked her if she was sure... she brushed it off. Later, I don't know how we got onto the topic, but we were discussing each other's "types"... She described both her perfect guy and perfect girl (she's bi)... I sucked it up and told her my perfect partner is "tall, they have to look after themselves, have brown eyes and reddish brown hair... (at this point I hesitated - purposely keeping the description vague so I could pussy out if need be - and had a bit of an overly dramatic internal battle, but eventually sucked it up and finished with)... and they have to be a guy."

I could have died right there. She just looked at me. For ages. The same expression plastered onto her face. A mixture of shock and something I couldn't quite identify at the time... I wasn't entirely sure how she'd react because i'd tried subtly bringing it up months ago but she'd groaned and dismissed it... After the initial shock began to wear off, she gathered me into a bone crushing bear hug and all but screamed "congratulations" in my ear... 4 O'clock in the morning. Drinking. Loud Noises and Bright Light. Not a good combination.

We spent practically all morning talking about anything and everything - she accepted me so naturally that we moved on from my giddy "high" feeling brought on by intense relief, fatigue and of course my good friend alcohol - to her sex life and relationship problems! (Which, I think, is exactly what I needed at the time)...

I'm finally moving forward. This is a MASSIVE step for me. It may only be one person, but baby steps can take you a long way.

I just want to say that Ang, you are an amazing person and I count you as my best friend. If not for you, I would never have had the courage to do anything... I'd still be living the lie my life was before... too afraid to be myself because I was so caught up in the way others percieved me. Thanks to you, I'm  finally taking control of my life. After all these years... I'm finally dealing :D

Thanks everyone for your support,



  1. BJ,

    Coming out can be daunting and there's no right or wrong way to do it. It's different for us all but it sounds like you have good judgement in who to tell - and when.

    I'm very proud of you,

    Stu :)

  2. Hey, you're right. Even with baby steps, you'll get there eventually. This is something you have to do at your own pace. Good luck!

  3. Hey BJ, yeah it does sound like a MASSIVE step, like you said. Good for you. I agree with Eyre about finding your own pace for coming out. I mean, it's a HUGE step, right? Once you come out to somebody, then it's out there... not something you can take back. Good luck man!

  4. BJ.... get busy posting more in here, man. I love reading what's going on in your life!