Monday, 18 April 2011

With Girls

Holy Crap. What do I do? I'm at a complete loss...

Here's the thing... I'm caught in the middle of something that i have absolutely no intentions of getting involved in... I'm really confused and really worried that if i do something wrong i'll hurt someone's feelings and lose a friendship... maybe all of my friendships if i told the truth...

So here it is... I have 2 girls after me... Like, claws out, snarling teeth and wild eyes after me. And i don't really know how to tell them that they're both REALLY not my 'type' without at least hurting their feelings... damn.

But that's not the worst part. The worst part is the fact that one of the girls is currently dating one of my really good mates. :( I feel so bad - both for him and myself - because he doesn't realise that she's playing him and because if he finds out (i've been told by several people) that she's willing to dump him for a fling with me... (uuuhhhhhhh... not. going. to. happen.) i'm worried that he'll blame me for trying to steal his girlfriend away...

How the hell am I supposed to clear my name without saying she's REALLY not my 'type-type'...? That although, yeah, she's pretty... i'm gayyyyy.... I can see that going down well with my christain friends.

Uurgh. Just leave me alone. Why can't they go find someone else (straight!) to torture. Their gaydar must be as dysfunctional as mine because i didn't think i was doing that good of a job at hiding my sexuality... This is all so complicated. :S

I guess I'll just have to wait it out and let you know how it goes...finally, learning to deal... with girls *shudder*

Laters, BJ... :)

Thursday, 14 April 2011

With Procrastination :)

Alright... so I lost my nerve there for a couple of days, haven't posted anything interesting *deleted* and am just generally freaking out haha... which tends to happen when I get stressed...

I've just started the really busy part of my uni semester (the few days before every exam and every assignment piece is due - and I realise i haven't started any of it) *facepalm... haha you think i'd have learned from last year that you can't bludge the entire year and expect to get Distinctions in every subject (unfortunately)...

So here I am... spending all of my time reading the entire PsyCop series by Jordan Castillo Price, creeping people's bookshelves on goodreads and obsessively checking facebook, blogger and my emails. All of this in the hope that i can procrastinate just that little bit longer - forget for just a few more precious seconds that i'm about to get raped by my mid semester exams... Which is more than just a definite possibility... :S

Speaking of procrastinating from subjects :

Oh, the irony! My degree is a Bachelor of Nutrition and Dietetics, right? Get this... Quite possibly one of the most boring and tedious subjects i (or anyone for that matter) could possibly have been exposed to during my course is - get this - NUTRITION! The lecturer is so boring! I may as well not even turn up to classes, because you don't listen - usually I just sketch during it and ignore the lecturer completely (my friends text me requests) Here was my latest "masterpiece" I was given 10 minutes to draw our lecturer being stabbed by a leprechaun... hahahaha (shoddy quality is due to shotty photography - thanks Pat) hahaha (and the shoes are crap... but never mind them - emphasis on sketch)

I felt really guilty while drawing it - mainly because I'm a nice person and after having done defensive Combined Martial Arts (Karate) for 7 years resulting in a total of 5 broken bones, several concussions and a few dislocated fingers, i really don't like violence that much :) haha

However, it was after a while, when i started getting texts for pictures of a our lecturer as a tranny that i started getting worried and all terrible thoughts about this pic left my mind completely and i became more concerned for the people that i hang out with... :P

So although I even love the word "procrastinate," i unfortunately can't practise it right this very moment - BIG exam on saturday, 2 assignments due on monday and another exam on wednesday :O FML. :)

Until Next Time, See ya... BJ

Saturday, 9 April 2011

With Boys

I've been off the market for just over six months since me and my girlfriend broke up (that's a story for another time) and I decided that while I was wasting time at a theme park, i would scout the crowd and give my Gaydar a bit of a workout. However, i discovered fairly early on that I'm either broken, or in desperate need of a service (no pun intended) ;).

How the hell does this thing work?! Is there like a manual for it? Somehow I don't think i'm going to find The Idiot's Guide to the Gaydar in my local Library any day now... So I'm there, listlessly wandering the crowded streets of Dreamworld alone (my friends were working there part of the day), and i found my eyes drawn to  anything with a Y-Chromosome above the age of 18... Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. Nichts.

Practically every single guy my age is as manicured as the girls they're walking with... Their hair is dyed and straightened to within an inch of its life, they wear jewellery, they dress better than i even thought possible, and to top it all off they all had girlfriends...

So how do you separate them? If only there were some colour-coding system... Red for straight, Yellow for Bi and Green for Gay... There. The traffic light system always works! :D *cough* Unfortunately, it's not quite that simple...

 I shall call him "Big Red" :D

Imagine seeing this everywhere you turn.... wow. of course their pants are a little higher up, but i thought you might appreciate this Matt ;) You see, there's a waterpark there, and most of the guys are ripped, tanned and just downright hot! Seriously, you could grate cheese with their abs and cure cancer by oogling their biceps... anyway, you get the picture... Way out of my league, but still nice eye-candy :P and completely distracting!

They say that when it rains, it pours... and so not only was my gaydar (or lack thereof) pissing down on my parade, but my i ran into 2 different groups of friends while there - friends that immediately started pointing out girls and asking for my opinion... shit (even though they don't quite do it for me, i can admit that they were massively hot... i just don't know why :P)

In summary, I'm surrounded by hot guys, wearing practically nothing... I have friends pointing out all the girls... but the boys........ can't... stop... staring.... zoning out of conversations and losing focus seemed inevitable... and so did the many, many awkward situations :S. Damn. haha

I hope you enjoyed my first non-depressing post... XD I know i certainly did ;)

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

With New Beginnings

Alright... so here's the thing... My name's John (friends call me BJ), I'm 18, live in Australia, go to uni and mind my own business... My life may not seem complicated in the least, but let me assure you, it is.

Sure, i'm about as average as they come. I'm the middle child in my family of six (mum, dad, older brother, younger sister + adorable dog), I spend most of my time reading, i love my friends and sometimes my family, but like many teenagers out there trying to find their way in this world, I have a secret. I'm pretty sure I'm gay...

And that's where everything becomes complicated... I know people say that you should be 'out and proud' but it's hard knowing that everyone you care about would turn their back on you if they knew...

My "friends" make their views on the matter very clear (They're christian and we've had this argument several times under the weak guise of "my friend")...

My Parents say that they would accept it if any of their children were gay and that they would still love and support them (pointed stares in my direction *gulp*)  but make snide remarks about homosexuality at the first chance they can get (great way of showwing your support guys).

And my brother. The one guy i look up to most. I'm pretty sure i'd be worse than dead to him if he found out...

But no matter what, i seem to just keep digging myself even bigger holes... And i know that's not my fault... well it is, but i have good reason! Things just happen to me... Things fall in my lap that i just can't get rid of and keep putting me in compromising positions (unfortunately, not quite the kind i'd like) ;)

Yes, my life is complicated most of the time. Yes, I'm really only on here to procrastinate from doing my uni work (and of course to hopefully make people laugh about some of the shit that actually happens to me) and Yes, I suck at introductions! But i am grateful for what i do have, and i've just gotta make the best of it and learn to deal... with everything life throws at me.